(This post is linked into the Not Alone series whose topic appropriately is Social Media this week!)
I finally got my head together and have the mental energy and coherent thought-power to compose a real post.
Seriously, it was not looking good this past month--and currently I am in the throes of end-of-school-year absurdity (including a hilarious story about the summer reading list which I'll save for the end)--and I received my sign to slow down and take care of myself.
I got a ticket. Not for doing anything bad, as I am a cautious driver, but I actually was spooked by the "cop trap" I passed on my (not usual) way home after forcing my exhausted self to go to the gym. So I panicked and didn't stop long enough at the stop sign for the officer's liking. Fine. I know everyone says to fight it but I just do not have the time and energy to spend anticipating and going to a hearing which with my luck would be scheduled for the only time in July I'm out of town. I had a paycheck coming from my side job at the public library for just over that amount, so I paid it.
And then slowed everything down.
First, I have been spending more time with my new mattress (love it! It's NOT crazy to buy one from a shopping channel!) and find I am waking up less in the middle of the night. There also was the blessing of my upstairs neighbor's moving out mid-month, which gave me permission to ignore The Cat's meowing if it occurs before 4 a.m. There's no need to quiet her if there's nobody disturbed, aside from me.
Of course, this getting-a-little-more-sleep thing meant I wasn't reading your blogs, either, so I'm VERY SORRY and I will be able to catch up as my schedule eases up in the next couple of weeks.
I have seen a few of you on Twitter--microblogging has been about all I've been up for lately--so if there's any reader who's on Twitter but not followed by me, let me know what your handle is. I'm not doing any personal updates on Facebook other than the occasional book or cat story. However, I am looking forward to posting a "Last Day of School! Woo hoo!" update at the end of this week.
Overall, I'm choosing to do things that are good for me.
One of those things was to "friend" a couple of classmates from college (my first college). They're both married, have kids, but I didn't keep in touch. Right after college, I saw them get married and have their first kids and just felt myself fall farther and farther behind in terms of life's milestones. Even when I sent friend requests to them, they were like, "Oh, you finally joined!" Actually, I'd been on for over a year, and it felt like a backhanded compliment.
Yeah, sometimes Facebook doesn't help with the self-judgment. I see things happening in other people's lives are that sooo great and ahhh-mazing--and I don't measure up.
Until I realize that people only post what they want people to see, or to get a reaction (likes, accolades, sympathy, whatever), and it's a tiny portion of their whole lives. It doesn't have the purity of a personal interaction. I still prefer the face-to-face or phone conversation (talk or text). But social media still helps me make sure Younger Sister is alive (and attending a concert tonight with the housemate and the fiance', apparently), and I get to chat sometimes with Oldest Nephew (the only minors I'll friend are relatives, obviously). I guess it'll be useful in the future once I figure out what I'm doing on there.
I still like blogging more. It feels more controlled in a way, and on top of that, I get to tell my stories. I can't do that on Facebook, really, and at present I don't have many people IRL to hear my stories, either. I'm hoping that the things I'm doing now not only help sustain me but also lay a hopeful groundwork for future events.
I'm not going to lie: Someday I want to be one of those Facebook users who gets to change her profile to "In a relationship with _____"; "Engaged to ______"; "Married to ______."
But all that seems really complicated to me right now, so for now I'll be content with an intermittment/lurking presence, enjoying my friends' kids and seeing how much they remind me of their parents, and going one friend at a time, one cat post at a time.
Or you know, ranting about how the summer reading list was sent home to the 7th grade families with TITLES ONLY. . . and one parent who didn't do a sensible search wound up with her kid looking at NSFW this instead of the correct book.
Which had the administration breathing down my neck--um, excuse me but my list which is posted on the school website is 100% detailed!--with nonstop phone calls and e-mails.
O.K., that made me want to disconnect everything and move to a cave.