Not Alone Series: Deal Breakers

O.K., so I have been lurking at a few "single Catholic gal" blogs for several months now, and I thought I'd start joining in by linking up in their "Not Alone Series" which is hosted by two very nice bloggers, Jen and Morgan.

Their theme for this past week was Deal Breakers, and by coincidence I ran into one of mine when one of my many Older Patron Fans at the public library offered to fix me up with one of her kids.

What I didn't mention was that she was Jewish.  Not surprising to me because she said she used to live in my hometown which has a huge Jewish population.  But interesting that she still wanted to set me up without asking first if I was Jewish. Maybe it didn't matter. Which is very cool.

I didn't have a problem with her son's not being Catholic.  (Especially when I am about to gain a non-Catholic brother-in-law, who am I to say where a person can or cannot find love?)  Sure, a difference of religion will not be easy to manage in a relationship and a marriage, but it doesn't spell doom.

Not being into religion at all, or having a real problem with it, would be a deal breaker for me.  Even if at the outset he said, "Yeah, I don't really get it, but you go ahead and believe what you want," a discomfort and/or resentment can grow, on both sides.  It creates a separation.  My faith informs my way of life, so if you don't get why I am the way I am, or why I do the things I do, that's a problem.  Plus I would get tired of attending religious events alone all the time. Especially if I had to take the children. 

Which brings me to another deal breaker.  As I said in my previous post, the older patron lady told me her son didn't want children.  I'm not sure if I understood because she was rambling so fast but she might have been telling me it had broken up his marriage (!) and the ex-wife had remarried and had kids now.  Unless she was talking about a daughter.  It was confusing.  But anyway, I told her I was a solid Catholic girl, so oh well.

Look, even if I get married ten years from now and can't bear children, I will be open to children.  And sure, I don't know if it will be feasible to adopt or foster for us, but the openness has to be there.  At the very least, I've got four nephews (a godson among them now) and a niece counting on it.  I work with children on a daily basis, for pete's sake.  

And along the same lines, not to offend anyone and I promise I am not judging because it's a private matter, but wanting to use contraception would be a deal breaker for me.  The one ex-boyfriend started getting very interested when he heard a rumor that the Vatican was contemplating allowing condom use to prevent the spread of HIV in Africa.  (Never happened.)  

I don't know what he thought that would mean for us who live in North America, but it gave me pause.  It's just not in keeping with how I feel about my health and my relationship with my husband.  I'm glad I didn't marry him because he seemed to believe children would steal my love from him and we'd all use up his hard-earned money.  I'm serious.  (Hilarious side note, he's married now and has children. I can only hope that he found someone who helped him deal with all those money, love, and sex hang-ups, but I wasn't going to compromise my values.)

If I may expand on that previous deal breaker, I think just looking for loopholes to suit yourself is a deal breaker.  I have a strong love of justice (hellooo, LIBRA) and I think letting stuff slide because it's not convenient to your lifestyle isn't cool.  I'm not talking about just the big stuff, either.  You shouldn't "borrow" the WiFi from your neighbors because they were "dumb enough" to leave it unlocked and "deserve" to have others use it without paying.  Or leave work fifteen minutes early on a regular basis because no one notices (or you THINK no one notices).  That kind of thing.  I just don't go for that.

All righty, then--I hope this piece came off more as a reflection of who I am and what I need, and not as a big judgmental piece.  Oh, and one final thing: If you don't have a soft spot for cartoons (not that you have to be a full-on brony), forget it!

I mean, some of the cleverest things and greatest pieces of wisdom are found in cartoons.  Right? 


Coming Back: The Good, the Bad, and the Very Weird

Whew! It has been a crazy, crazy month. Here's what has been going on:

  • Had a great time with YS and housemate of YS.  The bridal expo was fun and it was neat to see what caught her fancy.  More on that very soon.
  • I was nominated to apply for a spot in a pilot program called the Emerging Leaders Academy.  Despite being dead sick with a cold all last weekend, I worked through the fever and got my essay written, and pulled together the application.  I think this might be the thing that helps me figure out where I'm going and what I'm doing.
  • My middle school kids did great at their big reading event, in spite of having to go about a month earlier than usual.  They were adequately humbled by what they didn't know and boosted by what they did.  And they BEHAVED and represented school well, thanks be to God.
  • The 2014 Newbery Medal winner, Flora & Ulysses, is wonderful. There haven't been great ones on the whole for the last 10-15 years IMHO (exceptions: Dead End in Norvelt, When You Reach Me, and The Tale of Despereaux which is by the same author as Flora). This one is sweet, funny in the right places, and touching.  Also not a million pages long.  Blows the others out of the water.  READ IT. ENJOY IT. YOU'RE WELCOME. Special thanks to LibraryElf for handing to me right off her department's desk.

  •  See horrible cold, mentioned above.  I think I just got run-down from all the stuff going on.
  • A week of standardized testing really messes up your lesson plans and leads to anarchy in the classrooms (no homework, lots of movie-watching).  Two fifth graders get to stay inside during recess tomorrow to mull over their poor choices and write up a recipe for doing better.
  • Why won't The Cat let me sleep???

  • The driver of the bus that took us to the reading competition was an older man who talked like a born-again Christian and said he homeschooled his five (now adult) children on his own after being widowed. (Definitely someone safe to transport kids.)
  • I can't believe this week I will be testifying at a hearing.  There's a first time for everything, I guess.  School was surprisingly kind and said they'd put my time out down as Jury Duty. 
  • I try not to be distracted by other people at Mass, but this week I went to the well-off parish near me and this teenager was wearing camouflage tights. As pants. She had a hoodie on top but it wasn't long enough to cover her (not small) tush.  I can't believe Mom, who was next to her in the pew, let her out of the house in that (especially to go to church), but maybe she was picking her battles.
  • The senior patrons at the public library love me.  I don't know why this is, but my guess is I have more patience helping them with their iPads/Kindles/Rocket launchers than their children who handed them these things for Christmas/Hanukkah.  Today I had my first "Are you married? Can I set you up with my son?" inquiry.  Then my future MIL (not) admitted he didn't want children. Well, it was nice talking to her, anyway.

It has seemed as if I've been going non-stop, but there have been moments of cat-on-lap, and I did manage to finish two library books (one good, one meh).  Still, I'm looking forward to Easter when things will slow down.  

A little.  




Totally Screwed up My Work Schedule, But--

--Younger Sister is here this weekend, yay!  I had a very kind co-worker at the public library switch weekends with me (she needed a different weekend, too) so even though it was all a mess this morning it worked out.  (That LibraryElf is so understanding, too.)  Oh well, who needs income, anyway, right?  (Oh, right--me.  Well, better later than not at all.)

It is a sunny 48 degrees outside, I have to sing for Mass tonight, and we are going to a bridal expo thingy with Mom tomorrow.  So there will be a post up at SOSOB finally after so long.

Other stuff going on with work and librarian-ing, so I will have much to report.  

As soon as I can sort it all out!




The Car Is Fixed and Other Wild Things

  • Even though I felt more sure of driving in the snow in the Unsexy Station Wagon (sorry, Mom, but it just IS) than I would've in a rental last week, I was very happy to get my car back, driver's side door fixed.  And just in time for driving on slushy roads even after a two-hour school delay this morning.
  • The mission to ease the Early Morning Cat Yowling is not succeeding yet.  I spoke a few weeks ago with a reputable animal communicator (yes, I am at my wits' end) who said that not only is her eyesight going (that made me cry) but also between the hyperthyroidism and the medication for the hyperthyroidism, she gets very disoriented.  She wakes up in the middle of the night and doesn't know where she is or how much time has passed.  Recommendation is for more light at night, possibly at floor level. Still figuring that out.
  • The Cat had two very bad mornings today and yesterday.  It might have been the approaching (non-) storm and/or the fact that the organizer lady was here Saturday night.  Also, she seemed to be stuck in a loop where she thought she needed water but had just had some, and just sat at the kitchen sink and cried.  I was so tired by the time I got to school that I kept forgetting it was only Monday.  Some days it really is like living with a little old lady in a fur coat.
  • I received a subpoena to testify in the preliminary hearing against the public library problem person.  It's at the end of the month and I guess I have to take personal time from school to do it.  Crazy.
  • I watched most of the Oscars but faded at about 10:30.  Pharrell was fun, even if his hat seemed to grow larger as the number went on.  Oh, and I thought that Liza joke was MEAN.  (I still think she and Lorna Luft are beautiful women.)  I didn't see any of the major nominees so it didn't mean much to me--except that I need to catch up!
  • I recently borrowed this book on being single from the library (this is why self-checkout exists) and am working up a post on it.  I liked it overall, political pronouncements aside.
  • Is anyone watching the final season of How I Met Your Mother?  I am dying to discuss.